This month I’ve noticed a real shift in how I choose which products to stick with.
I was evaluating two AI tools that were functionally identical. Same features, similar pricing, equally good interfaces. But one had an active Discord where members troubleshot issues together and even organized virtual co-working sessions.
The other sent me automated email updates about new features.
Guess which one got my money?
I’ve started paying attention to this.
I noticed that the software I’m most loyal to isn’t necessarily the most feature-rich. Instead, it’s usually the one that goes the extra mile to make me feel more connected to other users and the team behind it.
AI has made it easier than ever to build and scale a product, but the companies that truly win have figured out how to use AI to amplify human connection and create something extremely important: community.
Three patterns that work
After being apart of communities that actually thrive, I’ve noticed three consistent patterns.
Start ridiculously small
A founder I know launched her startup by creating a Slack channel for exactly 12 people with a very specific shared experience.
Six months later, that group had become the core of a 300-person community that generates 40% of her company’s new customers. But it started with 12 people who genuinely wanted to help each other solve real problems.
The mistake most founders make is thinking bigger equals better. A community of 100 engaged members will always outperform 1,000 passive ones. AI can help you identify and connect these highly engaged members, but it can’t create the initial spark of genuine shared interest.
Automate the logistics, humanize the rest
Another community platform I’m a part of automates scheduling, sending reminders, and creating content. But every new member gets a personalized welcome from the founder. Every major milestone gets a shoutout in the community newsletter.
The tech handles what members don’t care about (calendar events). Humans handle what they remember forever (feeling genuinely welcomed). This isn’t just feel-good stuff. It’s actually measurable. A single shoutout correlates with longer term and valuable engagement like referrals and attending paid events.
Create bridges between digital and physical
One of the best examples of creating this bridge is The Carbonauts. The founder, Graham, runs a community for sustainability professionals and he creates opportunities for members to meet in person, even if most interaction happens online.
He started by organizing dinners and other meetups in Los Angeles for the small but mighty group here. Those members became his most active contributors and some of which are now ambassadors and moderators.
Now, several years later, The Carbonauts hosts events globally. Tech tools handle the logistics of finding members in each city and coordinating schedules. But the actual relationship building happens over an incredible dinner at Graham’s house, a run club, or over coffee.
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The real challenge (and opportunity)
The hardest part about building community in the AI era isn’t the technology – it’s resisting the urge to optimize away the messiness of human relationships.
Sure, an AI tool can predict when someone is likely to churn. But it can’t sense that they’re going through a tough personal conflict. Your automation can send birthday messages to every member. But it can’t remember that someone just got promoted and would love to share her experience more broadly.
This is actually the opportunity. While others are optimizing for efficiency, you can optimize for connection. While others are perfecting chatbots, you can perfect the art of making people feel seen and valued.
What actually works
If you’re building a community, here are a few steps to consider:
First, map your member journey and categorize every touchpoint.
For each interaction, ask: “Does this help members connect with each other, or does it help them complete a task?”
For example:
- Welcome email = Task completion
- Introduction thread where members share their background = Relationship building
- Weekly newsletter with curated content = Task completion
- Monthly “coffee chat” matching between members = Relationship building
Most people discover their communities are 90% task completion when they should be 70% relationship building. As a result, the community becomes a productivity tool instead of a place people want to spend time.
Second, consider adding one human element to every automated process.
Instead of a generic “Welcome to our community!” email, send “Welcome to our community, Sarah! I noticed you mentioned working on mobile apps. You should definitely connect with Mike who is an app developer.”
The key is referencing something specific about that person that shows you actually read their information. It takes 30 seconds but signals that there’s a real human paying attention.
Third, measure relationship formation, not just activity.
Most community platforms show you posts per week and comments per member. But the communities that last are focused on:
- How many members have had direct conversations outside the main channels?
- How many collaborative projects or partnerships started in your community?
- How often do members reference real-world meetups or connections?
These behaviors predict whether someone will be active in your community. A member who posts daily but never connects with others will eventually churn. A member who posts once a month but has formed 3 meaningful connections will likely stay.
I’m betting that the companies that will win over time won’t be those with the most sophisticated tech. They’ll be the ones that use tech to create more opportunities for genuine human connection.
Thanks for reading!